I found an old journal entry that I really liked while I was at work last night (there's a lot of down time in graveyard, image that...)
Jan 23 2009:
"I lose my mind sometimes. I know that people care about me, but sometimes, on a drive home, there's that not-so-small temptation to just keep driving. I need to be soothed by the ocean like a raging alcoholic needs alcohol to soothe the pain. The reason for the pain? I feel alone & scared. I have good friends, but they have lives. Sometimes I just feel like I need someone who is focused on me as their #1 priority and they become mine. I am not anyone's #1 priority, so I fight the temptation to sit on the beach & listen to the waves crash on an almost MORE than weekly basis. When I look at the ocean, I am comforted, when I listen to the ocean, I feel loved, and when I am on the beach in the middle of the night & there's a full moon reflected by that massive amount of water, life's just about perfect..."
The ocean has such a powerful hold over me and I miss it dearly every day I'm away. I have found my #1 though--he anchors me and keeps me grounded and almost makes me not miss having the ocean as an option for a day trip
Happy 6 months, SJ. I love you
