Thought dump

In a combination of being totally overwhelmed with work and not feeling particularly inspired, I have not been posting. However, I am supposedly two nights of work away from being able to choose which days I stay up, and I've also had an idea kicking around in my head for a while and I think I've finally figured out a way to put it to words.

When I'm reminded of a very specific person, it elicits a strong reaction (it fluctuates, depending on how I'm reminded). Most recently, it was sadness. I had a great friend who had a great selection of friends who all welcomed me with open arms who I have lost in the mishandling of what went down. Mind, I don't regret that it went down (it needed to happen), just the mishandling of it--even though I have no idea how I could've done it right...

Today, I was minding my own business in a neutral to light mood and facebook reminded me through friends of friends that this person is still around and doing things. I felt immediately sad and because of my practice in therapy and being sick of depression, I asked myself if I wanted to stay sad instead of just defaulting--it's always a struggle. Part of the way I decided I could get past this small little event was to tell the internet about it. Psychologically, it's my way of telling my brain that if I disappear into my cocoon, someone will notice and tell me to break out of it.

After further thought, I asked myself if I blame them and if so, do I need to forgive them? No matter how much reluctance I'm feeling, I think I do. I really do need to brush up on this forgiveness thing.